Tag Archives: Xbox 360

Minecraft: Real Life Review

29 Jun

creeper emblem.jpgMinecraft:

Released: 2011

Platforms: PC, Mac, and Linux (Java), Android, iOS, Xbox 360 (Xbox Live), Xbox 360 (Retail Disc), Raspberry Pi, Xbox One

Age certificate (UK): 7+

Real Life Review GirlfriendGirlfriend test:

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and to go and do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

Minecraft’s performance in the girlfriend test varies depending on the context. If you have any hint of OCD the Minecraft does badly in this test, if you are a more casual gamer it is never a real problem. I am somewhere in the middle so I will treat it as such. You can save at any given moment, but the thing that stops you from shutting down is the fact checkpoints are near none existent unless you carry a bed in your backpack. The ability to save and turn off varies. If you choose to save the game and turn off then you only have to wait several seconds and your freshly mined diamonds will nice and safe when you spawn safely back in your bed upon your return. If for some reason the world demands you shut down just as you have discovered a clump of diamond ore that you discovered in a tunnel that is several minutes journey from your base and you have no way of rediscovering it then you will most likely opt to temporarily ignore the real world.

If you are given a short amount of time to play you can make some progress providing you have been storing your materials. If you want to go collect materials you are probably going to find most stuff you want is too far from your base. Creative mode allows you to make a tonne of progress in five minutes as every item is there for your use.

Sound is an issue if you play seriously. Many things in the world can pretty much instakill you, and they sometimes only use sound as a warning. The grunt of a zombie will halt you from moaning through a wall directly into an infested dungeon. The scrunch of a creeper nearly always comes too late and you often leap out of your chair one second later at the sound of the accompanying bang, but the scrunch can make the difference of survival. I for one did not mind dying as it just resulted in you wandering back to your place of demise and picking up everything you lost.

Score: 7/10

Girlfriend: “Let’s go to the shops.”

Me: “Sure, after I get all this ore. Oh wait, I’m dead. Just give me ten minutes to get everything!”

It generally does well in the girlfriend test but sometimes you literally cannot come away without suffering.

Real Life Review GirlfriendMate test

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in. Apart from Fifa they are pretty much uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)

If you lack patience you should probably not consider introducing an uneducated gamer to Minecraft as it will all go over their head. While you are stressing out trying to build a shelter they will be at the bottom of a 10 block deep pit. If you can play with a mate then you will have a great deal of fun. You can play locally or online, but if a mate wanders into your room and they want to hang out it is all about playing locally.

To me the main benefit of playing Minecraft locally is that your mate can witness your creations. After you have finished your castle with your lava moat and herds of farm animals you often just reflect on time wasted. If your mate says its cool then it is all worth it. Playing multiplayer locally is sort of like playing by yourself with someone else. Things can go a bit awry if you and a mate are working on the same house and monsters are not generally hard enough to require you to fight them together – until you reach the Nether and the End. It is fun to share resources or have one builder and one miner but you often just wan to do your own thing.

You do risk a mate seeing you play Minecraft consider you to be childlike, and the fact is Minecraft is childlike and that is what makes it brilliant. This is because it is virtual reality Lego with monsters. You can finally achieve your Lego based childhood dreams you could not achieve before because your parents only got you the starter set. Minecraft feels like an embarrassing habit. If you are over the age of 16 you will casually ask your friend if they play in the same sort of way people awkwardly ask strangers if they take the same recreational drugs.

Score: 4/10

Mate: “What are you playing?”

Me: “Minecraft.”

Mate: “Oh, my 5 year old cousin plays that…”

If you propose a game of Minecraft to a friend they will either emit a girlish sqeual or they will use it as reputational blackmail.

Real life review Parent TestParent test

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room.)

I do not need to say much in the parent test. The game passes with all the flying colours of the rainbow. There are few things that look remotely offensive when presented as cubes and there is not even a glimmer of drugs, nudity or swearing. There is violence, but what game does not have violence. You only kill farm animals or monsters so this is all morally right and proper. The act of slaughtering a pig is comical and ungraphic. Sure kids turn into murdering maniacs with a higher kill count then anyone in the SAS but it doesn’t matter s everything looks so cute. If your parent walks into your room at a random point you will most likely be mining… or crafting. The worse they have to worry bout is whether or not you grow up.

Score: 10/10

Parent: “Oh, 3d Super Mario Brothers.”

Me: “Since when does Super Mario contain pigs.”

Parent: “Since when do 23 year olds play games like this?”

Me: “Fair.”

The worst thing a parent can worry about is your mental age.

Real life review inner rageInner rage test

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)

Minecraft certainly gets frustrating, but overall it is pretty relaxing. If you are going to die it will most likely involve lava, or a bottomless pit so all your objects are destroyed or lost. These frustrating features are mitigated by the cute music and a colour palette that tries a bit of everything (which is very unusual in games these days). Creative mode allows any frustration to be removed as you have unlimited access to anything in the game. Part of the fun is in the frustration, you need to have that bit of fear in you when you go on a mining expedition to keep the game fresh. You can also get annoyed by endless traveling…

Score: 7/10

real life review overallOverall

A great game that I wish was available when I was a kid. It is still fun as a big kid but it just doesn’t quite keep me entertained long enough anymore.

Score: 7/10

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Black Ops II: Real Life Review

2 Jun

black ops II Mike Harper

Black Ops II:

Platform: PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, Microsoft Windows, Wii U

Released: 2012

Age certificate: 18+

Real Life Review GirlfriendGirlfriend test

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and to go and do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

Black Ops II and Call of Duty in general does not have a positive relationship with girlfriend’s of gamers. The phrase ‘COD widow’ is not thrown around without any reason. However, I think that when compared with other games, it is not that bad in terms of time consumption. If your girlfriend needs constant attention then the Campaign is not a problem, as auto saves occur constantly. You can pick up and play for ten minutes and turn off without any regret.

Lets face it; Black Ops II is all about multiplayer. Each game takes about ten minutes, but you will often be committed to the game for the WHOLE ten minutes. If you get into COD and play with friends you inevitably start to care about statistics. You will not want to leave a game if you are ‘in the zone’ as this will be detrimental to your kill-death ratio, and if you leave a game it counts as a loss, which is bad for your win-loss ratio. It takes a lot more than love for a guy to leave a game when he has just earned a K9 unit.

Your girlfriend will legitimately want to play some music to mask the fairly brutal sound effects of gunshots and your unrestrained outbursts of rage aimed at enemy players who have just painted a wall with the contents of your character’s head. This can cause terrible consequences for you and your kill-death ratio. You should never underestimate the importance of hearing footsteps or being able to estimate how close that bullet was to your head based on the sound effects. In campaign mode, enemies love to scream at you so you know where to chuck that final grenade and sound in zombie mode is a full on requirement for success. Those adorable decomposing chaps make a racket from the moment when they start to smash barriers to the moment when they try to smash your spleen. If you want to play seriously, your girlfriend can’t play music or chat to friends, end of. Black Ops II will cause some arguments with the other half.

Score: 6/10

Girlfriend: “Does my new dress make me look fat?”

Me: “I will not be able to tell you until we kill 75 people.”

The problem of Black Ops II requiring your full attention is negated by the fact that multiplayer matches are quite short. Zombie mode requires you to play in a silent room. If you are one of the few that buy the game for the campaign your girlfriend will have no qualms.

Real Life Review GirlfriendMate test

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in. Apart from Fifa they are pretty much uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)

 

Black Ops II is all about multiplayer for me. If a housemate walks in your room and wants to play you will throw the controller at them in your barely controlled excitement. Playing online multiplayer alone or even with online mates does not even compare to playing local multiplayer. Few things can compare with a getting a high five off a group of your mates after they witness you get a triple kill headshot.

A typical ‘uneducated gamer’ as I like to call them, will initially struggle if you play online. As you dive into prone after sending a throwing knife into the eye socket of a Russian, your mate will walk past looking at his feet, then they will kill themselves with a rocket launcher shot at a harmless flower, and remember that is AFTER they have been killed 23 times by unsympathetic enemy players. If you care about your win/loss ratio too much then don’t bother playing with an uneducated gamer. I do not care much, so I make a point of celebrating every single kill a mate makes when they start their COD apprenticeship, especially as they are often hilariously accidental.  Thankfully Black Ops II accommodates for the casual gamer as it has a great feature known as combat training, which is where you hone your skills against AI enemies. You can play this even if you are offline. This is a great way to train your friends without caring if your character is relentlessly slaughtered.

Black Ops II has good pick-up-and-playability as it has the standard first person shooter controls. Having said that, a mate new to Call of Duty will struggle to use the sticks to stab and sprint and you may as well give up on trying to teach them how to bring in that UAV they somehow earned. Black Ops II is treated with reverence by all housemates, as with most COD games. Being skillful in COD at this is considered to be one of many tests of manliness. Now I only play this game with a mate as nothing compares (when playing games) to the virtual reality of being brothers in arms.

The zombie mode is a true test of your mate’s patience. I would not even bother trying it if you don’t think you can stay in there for the long haul. Having said that, if your Internet connection is being dodgy, zombie mode is the next best thing to online multiplayer. I suggest you check out walkthroughs, as it is way more confusing than previous zombie installments.

Score: 10/10

Mate: “I was thinking about doing something productive but then I heard you got Black Ops II. Fancy a game?”

A king of games when it comes to the mate test. My only concerns are to do with the fact multiplayer should have more arcade style game modes, I can’t believe there is no infected mode. Current generation console games are pretty terrible when it comes to local multiplayer so Black Ops II still stands out.

Real life review Parent TestParent test

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room.)

Black Op II is actually pretty inoffensive if your parents have grown insensitive to video game violence by now. If your room is randomly invaded the worse word they are likely to hear is ‘shit’ when your American dude is skewered by a crossbow bolt. I personally think the game should be a 15 certificate. If your parents are Russian then they will be a little shocked by what those Russian guys are shouting out (I have Russian speaking friends). The campaign is pretty inoffensive compared to any other 18+ as long as you ignore painfully stereotypical racial profiling. Zombie mode should not cause any problems either. There is nothing embarrassing about playing this game apart from the fact you openly enjoy simulating shooting several thousand people.

Score: 8/10

Parent: “Are you killing Russians?”

Me: “Yes.”

Parent: “Good.”

Me: “Actually you are not supposed to feel good about it.”

It’s no Super Mario happy fun land, but there is not the slightest hint of an artificially designed boob, and morphine injections are not advertised as medicinal and not recreational. As violence is now pretty standard your parents will be fine with this games as long as you don’t play it in the middle of the lounge on full volume.

Real life review inner rageThe Inner Rage Test

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)

              I experienced my fair share of frustrating experiences while playing Black Ops II, but I did not come away frustrated. Anyone familiar with COD is used to being treated with instant death when they stray away from the linear path in a world that appears to be open. I died several times while on a horse in Afghanistan when I moved more than five metres away from the butt hole of my AI teammate’s stallion. This pissed me off but I eventually conformed so I may survive and progress. I was annoyed by unexpected storyline changing moments, such as when I burnt my squad mates face off by driving through what I though was ‘artistic’ fire effects. When I play Call of Duty I just play as a soldier, with a couple of missions thrown in where I am an invincible pilot in control of flying battleship. Instead I am forced to play strike force missions, which require a completely different skill type to first person shooters. I did not like those missions and they have prevented me from replaying the game. My play through on veteran was stymied when I encountered a mission where I played a man armed with a machete who has to navigate his way through a fully armed battlefield. I eventually put aside the campaign after a completion on regular.

I really play Black Ops II for the multiplayer. This triggers most of my gaming pleasure senses. I now know where to throw a grenade at the start of a game so that it lands on someone’s face. I know which gun to use and which parts of the map to haunt. Gameplay is much more even than previous COD installments and people do not tend to dominate the game or get high level killstreaks, I am much more in favour of this system. You do occasionally come across a player that will kill you with one shot that misses by a metre and the spawning system is a bit chaotic. I do not like the maps as much as Black Ops I or Modern Warfare II, but they are OK. Zombie mode is annoying but I only play it casually so it does not bother me.

Score: 7/10

Black Ops II has some seriously annoying aspects but I like multiplayer so much I am willing to overlook it.

real life review overallOverall

(I briefly rate games on a number of factors such as graphics, storyline, entertainment and longevity irrespective of the other tests.)

Overall, I prefer Black Ops I and Modern Warfare II, but no one plays them anymore and luckily the multiplayer maps are nothing like the chaotic atrocities of Modern Warfare III. The campaign is fun but I do not appreciate the large parts of the game that do not involve shooting someone. In multiplayer the guns are much more evenly powered and the decent killstreaks are much harder to obtain. As usual the graphics are great and you will get your money’s worth. I also find the servers are way more up to scratch now.  A great online multiplayer game.

Score: 8/10

The second best Call of Duty game to play with a mate sat next to you.

Far Cry 3: Real Life Review

30 May

Far Cry 3:

Platform: PC, Xbox 360, PS3

Released: 2012

Age certificate: 18+

the GFGirlfriend test

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and go do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

Far Cry 3 is given an OK in the girl friend test. If you are given an indefinite amount of time to play while she gets ready to go out you can fire up your game and complete an activity or two. Most activities such as hunting or assassinations are great fun, highly addictive and can only take about 5 minutes. You can turn it off halfway through any activity without much regret.

Some of the main missions take a long time and they can get pretty tricky and you sure wouldn’t want to have to turn off your console to help with the laundry. It can sometimes take a fair while to travel across the map to get to a mission, and if your girl friend wanted you to turn the game off and pay you attention when you have just got to a mission start, you may consider ignoring her and paying for the consequences. As the game is so pretty you wont really mind repeating tasks.

The game is hard to play if your girlfriend is playing loud music or making too much noise of any kind. You are often relying on hearing a tiger growl or a pirate shout to give you time to react. If you are playing in the wilderness you may struggle without sound. The missions are easy enough as they are usually linear so you can guess where enemies are, and subtitles are accurate so you wont miss out on the script.

Score: 7/10

Girl friend: “Can you help me take the rubbish out?”

Me: “Well, I can now a tiger bit me head off while I was speaking to you.”

Far Cry 3 does OK in the girl friend test. You can pause at any time and save anywhere. It is annoying if you have to turn off half way through a mission but as the game is pretty easy and it is so beautiful you actually want to redo scenes it does not matter too much.

mate emblemMate test

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in and apart from Fifa they are uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability, and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)

 

Far Cry 3 will confuse the classic non-gaming housemate when they see you walking through a jungle. They will ask questions like “is it a hunting game?” and “are you on holiday?” and they may even ask if you are playing Call of Duty. You will find such answers hard to answer, as they are all slightly true. Before your patience gives in and you start playing Fifa you should try out multiplayer.

The co-op multiplayer mode is great. The characters are completely separate from the main story mode (no spoilers) and it forms a fun, co-operative and competitive multiplayer game. A mate can pick up and play as the controls are standard for a first person shooter. One problem for an unseasoned gamer is that enemies are accurate from very long distances so you may find it hard explain that a red pixel on the screen is an enemy sniper. Far Cry 3 tried to make the multiplayer characters a bit too ‘hard’ for my liking so I found the opening video a bit awkward to sit through.

If you do not possess a second controller, your mate has no hands, your mate has no gaming abilities, you do not want to share your game, or for any other reason your mate will  have to sit and watch you play then don’t expect to hold their attention for too long. You mate will initially be impressed with the stunning visuals and the dramatics of the first few melee kills but after that it is actually quite boring to watch. Most of the fun of Far Cry 3 comes from slow, stealthy gameplay and leveling up your character. If you attempt to take it in turns to go on rampages you will get bored fast as enemies will stop spawning and they are pretty easy to kill.

Score: 8/10

Mate: “Cool game, can I play?

Me: “Yes, but only if you promise to play until I have all the achievements.”

A solid co-op mode leads to hours of fun providing your mate has some skills in first person shooters.

 The Parent TestParent test

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room.)

Drugs, drug induced hallucinations, a brief bit of nudity and a shed load of swearing. It actually doesn’t do too badly in the parent test if they have a tolerance for the words fuck and shit. An average moment will see you shooting pirates, driving a pleasant jeep with a bobble head hula girl on the dashboard, stabbing pirates, trampling through some ferns and falling into a stream, and shooting pirates.

There are some really messed up scenes that shouldn’t really be in a game. Make sure no family member unfamiliar with games is in the house when you play the final mission. I mean it –one of the options is really psychologically messed up. Any of the scenes involving Vaas are unsettling, particularly the pile of corpses moment. Don’t get me wrong, I loved them, but they could freak out your granny big time.  There are some whacky moments involving ‘shrooms and weed but they are more weird than inoffensive.

If you muted the sound to block swearing you could probably get away with playing the majority of the game in front of your grandparents as long as they are OK with witnessing you constantly murdering pirates or skinning innocent animals. Some missions get pretty freak but they are not really a problem.

Score: 6/10

“Your computer man needs to have his mouth washed out.”

There is a lot of foul mouthing and some dark themes running through the game, but if anyone walks in you can pretend you are playing a ‘holiday game’.

inner rage emblemThe Inner Rage Test

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)

 

Far Cry 3 is nice and easy for anyone familiar with first person shooters. Weapons you get later on make short work of the higher-level enemies. You should bare in mind the game is much easier if you use stealth and cover occasionally, otherwise the enemies can make short work of you. If you do end up dying on a mission you will be frustrated as the checkpoints are unnecessarily few and far between. There are several missions where there are infinitely respawning enemies, so if you are used to taking out enemies one at a time you will soon have to get used to breaking cover and running for it.

There were a few missions where you must remain undetected or where there is a time limit, which I always find very frustrating. Luckily for me I just ran straight through such missions and happened to not get spotted, or I died and somehow spawned further ahead, but I somehow don’t think that is how you are supposed to play.

If you are a hardcore FPS fan you will get annoyed when a tiger sneaks up on you and one hit kills you but generally the wildlife does not play such a large part in the main missions.

There were a few drug related scenes which I did not have the patience for where you have to walk along looking at the pretty colours. You had to continually be walking forward in these scenes which to me just made them passive-aggressive videos. If I was not killing pirates then I did not feel I was achieving anything.

Score: 7/10

If players can adapt their strategy to fight different types of enemy, then Far Cry 3 is a pretty easy game to play. A few missions towards the end get unnecessarily hard, but luckily you can counteract the difficulty by sprinting towards a checkpoint so enemies stop spawning.

scale emblemOverall

(I briefly rate games on a number of factors such as graphics, storyline, entertainment and longevity irrespective of the other tests.)

Far Cry 3 is  the best game I have played in the last year. I am fed up of brown games like COD, Gear of War, Skyrim, etc and I love the lush, exotic environments of Far Cry 3 where you feel everything is alive and ready to eat you. Part of you wants to escape the island and the other part wants to set up beach resort. The environments are repetitive, sure there are plenty of trees and rock but you never notice the same twin rock elsewhere. The storyline is fantastic and Vaas is the best character I have seen in a game for a long while. You gradually connect with the main character as he starts to love the island more than his selfish friends. The gameplay is solid and surprisingly void of bugs.

Score: 10/10

When the game ends you are just left wanting more.

Saints Row the Third: Real Life Review

28 May

Saints Row the Third: Real Life Review

Platform: Microsoft Windows, Xbox 360, PS3

Released: 2011

Age certificate: 18+

the GFGirlfriend test

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and to go and do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

Saints Row the Third does well in the girlfriend test. If you think you have ten minutes free you can sit through some quick loading times and complete a couple of activities/minigames.

The game lets you save at any moment outside of a mission, which is very useful. I wasn’t able to save during missions but I didn’t see this as a problem as they were pretty short and not difficult, so I didn’t mind when I had to switch off and restart later on. I was annoyed that you couldn’t pause cut scenes, especially as I missed the cinematic end of act one due to a deliveryman.

The volume was not an important factor. Subtitles worked most of the time and if someone shot at you they were visible on the radar. The only girlfriend problem was the jealous matter of scantily clad women and the sexual scenes.

Score: 8/10

    Girlfriend:: “Are you ready to go out?”

    Me: “One sec… yep.”

Nearly perfect. I just wish you could pause cut scenes and save properly during missions.

mate emblemMate test

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in. Apart from Fifa they are pretty much uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)

 

An uneducated gamer’s first reaction to any Saint’s Row game will be “is that Grand Theft Auto?” Your reaction will be to sigh deeply and then try and explain how it is not Grand Theft Auto.

Saint’s Row the Third has online multiplayer capabilities, but not on the same console. To me this game would be great for playing split screen. You can get a feeling for this in the well-made online co-op mode.

If your mate comes in your room to hang out, they can either watch you play or you can take it in turn to go on rampages. If they are watching you play they will find it pretty entertaining; a tank rampage is good to watch, and the storyline is pretty funny, but the fact is that the game is just not hard enough to be that good to watch. If you decide to go on a rampage you find that enemies stop spawning for no apparent reason. Taking it in turns on minigames can be fun but as the owner you don’t want your friend completing all your activities.

The game passes most cool tests. The radio music is good, varied and not repetitive so you can play it in the background while your mates chill out. Mates always like violence and they will give appreciative nods as you run over a group of pedestrians. As mentioned in the parent test, the messed up scenes will make your friends see you as some sort of perverted freak.

Score: 4/10

    Mate: “That looks fun! Can I play?”

    Me: “No.”

The game looks cool but you can’t play with someone else, and you get bored watching each other play.

The Parent TestParent test

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room.)

Anyone who has ever played Saints Row will know that any game in the series will fail the parent test. The humour heavily focuses on crude, sexual innuendoes, with an emphasis on dominatrix. Expect to see hos, prostitutes, dildos, gimps, fully naked statues and a surprisingly dark sex trafficking storyline. Even though the majority of the gameplay is spent driving inoffensive cars and shooting members of the fairly inoffensively dressed gangs there are some scenes that are guaranteed to make you squirm at the thought of your parents walking in.

Many people would rather snap the game CD in half rather than let their parents see them playing several particular scenes. One part that really stood out was the Doors To Perversion scene. In this scene you are naked, you wield a giant dildo as weapon, all the NPC’s are in dominatrix gear, bedrooms you explore have pneumatic dildo machines that are equipped with rubber fists, there is porn on the television screens, torture gear and cages. To be honest, I did not find this scene funny-  it was actually really creepy.

If your parent walks in your room at any one point you can be guaranteed you will be doing a mission with Zimo the perverted pimp, and that your character will be naked, that your character will decide to shout ‘Fuck’ for no reason in particular and you will be waving around ‘The Penetrator’ just for the achievement.

Score: 4/10

    Parent: “What is this filth!?”

At an average moment the game is not offensive, but there are some seriously messed up moments.

inner rage emblemThe Inner Rage Test

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)

    When played on normal mode, this game is incredibly easy, the difficulty should not be a problem for any seasoned gamer. Even without upgrades your character can eat a grenade and survive the explosive outcome. If you are finding it hard you can level up your character and make them invincible. 100% completion and all the achievements/trophies is a matter of patience rather than skill.

I found the mission: http://deckers.die to be incredibly annoying. It is supposed to be annoying, but it goes too far. Your character is playing in a computer game and if you die in the game you die in real life (cringe). The enemy boss is hacking you the entire time, which comes across in game as the inversion of controls, slowing down of your character and teleporting/glitching. This just pissed me off. They level was very long and if I had to turn off the console then I would have stopped playing the game. Zimo also pissed me off – I hate singing characters and auto tuning. Other than that the game was very pleasant to play and your inner conqueror is free to rape and pillage without much resistance.

Score: 8/10

    Me: “Bow before me, puny humans.”

I am able to ignore one annoying character and one very annoying mission for the sake of satisfying gameplay.

scale emblemOverall

(I rate games on a number of factors such as graphics, storyline, entertainment and longevity; the real life tests are considered but they do not necessarily affect the final result.)

Saints Row the Third is an addictive game. For me it is a filler between Grand Theft Auto installments. The graphics are an undetermined mix of cartoony and realistic, the storyline is funny and easy to follow and the characters are likable. Most importantly, the gameplay is excellent and it appealed to my inner conqueror. There are plenty of hours involved and you get your moneys worth long before you are bored. The missions, minigames and activities are all really fun and they feature the sort of things that most current games are lacking. I would instantly buy a spin off arcade game called Insurance Fraud or Tank Mayhem.

Score: 8/10

Even after doing badly in the mate and parent tests, as a whole Saints Row the Third is a great game and I think there should be more like it.