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DOTA 2: Real Life Review

15 Dec

dota 2 emblemDOTA 2:

Released: 2013

Platform: PC, Mac, Linux

Real Life Review GirlfriendGirlfriend test:

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and go do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

DOTA 2, or Defense of the Ancients 2, performs terribly on the girlfriend test. The game requires your undivided attention for at least half an hour and possibly even an hour and a half and beyond. At the start of the game you can sometimes break into a half hearted conversation with your lady while you kills some creeps, but if you want to multitask while playing then nine times out of ten you will end up being killed (repeatedly). The gameplay is basically a long slog where every move you and your team make could make the difference between victory and defeat. Your team mates will not appreciate girl related AFK time.

On the plus side, there is a tutorial mode, which you can pause. Having said that, this mode can more or less instantly be discounted as this game is all about the multiplayer.  There is also the benefit of sound being more or less useless so you can let your girlfriend hair dry and listen to music to her pretty hearts’ content.

Score: 2/10

Girlfriend: “Can I check Facebook for a second?”

Me: “No!!!”

Concentrate, or you will be kicked out of your clan. Or pay attention to your girlfriend and give up on the game…

Real Life Review GirlfriendMate test:

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in. Apart from Fifa they are pretty much uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability, and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)

You will have a hard time selling this game to your non-gaming mate, or even your hard-core gamer mate. People either don’t get this game or they love it.

The game looks cool from a distance with its pretty visuals, limitless killing and its ‘freeness’. Did I mention it’s free to download? The thing that puts people off is the learning curve. You can’t explain the fundamentals of the game to a friend without sounding like a huge nerd. If you give them a trial game a South Korean pro will probably wipe them all over the floor. As popular as this game is, most people don’t get it.

Score: 3/10

Mate: “That game looks cool, can I play?”

Me: “OK just do the tutorial first and…”

Mate: “Bye.”

Your non-gaming mate wont think it is a gay game, but they will think it is nerdy.

Real life review Parent TestParent test:

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room. ) disapproves

DOTA 2 will not offend your parents, but they really wont get it. Mainly because every time they walk in the room the game is likely to look pretty much exactly the same. They may quite rightly worry you are autistic and like doing one task over and over again. Watch out for rude dudes on microphones.

Score: 9/10

 Parent: “You are still playing that?”

Me: “Yes. It is completely different every time!”

Parent: “OK…” (Backs out the room quietly).

Pretty, repetitive fun.

Real life review inner rageThe Inner Rage Test:

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)

Do not get emotionally involved in this game. If one person on your team is paying more attention to his girlfriend than to the game, your team is probably going to lose, and losing isn’t fun is it? No matter what your skill you can still be brought to ruin by terrible team mates, so remember to take a chill pill.

Score: 3/10

You are often sat wondering why your teammates are always at the wrong end of the map. Unless you find a team to play with often this will always be the case.

real life review overallOverall:

(I briefly rate games on a number of factors such as graphics, storyline, entertainment and longevity irrespective of the other tests.)

This really isn’t my sort of game but I can see why others would like it so I wont knock it. In terms of value for money it is perfect because it is free. There is a great deal of depth to the game as the multiplayer element makes most games unpredictable and if you have a competitive side to you, then you will be trying to learn new ways to get the upper hand.

Score: 8/10

Perfect value for money.