Terraria: Real Life Review

31 May

terraria emblem


Platform: PC, Xbox 360, PS3, PS Vita

Released: 2011/2013

Age certificate: PG

the GFGirlfriend test

(This tests how much freedom the game gives you to turn it off and go do the laundry. The test considers how much the game allows you to play for an indeterminable amount of time while your girlfriend does her make-up. It also rates how important sound is – will your girlfriend’s hairdryer or music be the matter of life and death for your character?)

Terraria does well in the girlfriend test. The ability to pause and save is strong in this one. If you have to turn the game off to go and help with girlfriend issues you will not be left crying – most of the time. You can instantly save all your money materials whenever you want. The main issue with saving and coming back to the game is that when you load a game up it always starts in the game world morning, so if you are trying to complete a night time activity such as boss fights you will have to wait ten minutes for night time to reoccur. If you want to play for a quick five minutes while you girlfriend slaps on makeup you can find those minutes quite productive as long as you plan ahead and you make easily navigable tunnels to your precious subterranean ores as well as outposts where you can save.

The only real issue with Terraria in terms of time commitment comes with the bosses. You are not going to want to attend to your girlfriends needs halfway through a Wall of Flesh fight and you will literally want to book a time slot for yourself to fight the hard mode bosses.

Sound is almost completely irrelevant, so if your girlfriend wants to listen to her freaky girl music while you play it is not a problem. You will quickly mute the limited music tracks as they are on a short loop. You may fall victim to the occasional skeleton that spawns off screen and drops on your 8-bit head down a mine shaft that you would have otherwise avoided due to their off screen groaning’s, but you won’t if you are playing in normal mode as the repercussions of death are fairly acceptable.

Score: 9/10

Girlfriend: “Can you mute that annoying music?”

Me: “Gladly.”

Terraria does very well in the girl friend test. You can save any time, pause freely and you can make productive use of short stints in Terraria land. Hardmode bosses are a different matter entirely but they are not a girlfriend problem providing you book your time.

 mate emblemMate test

(You are playing the game and your housemate walks in. Apart from Fifa they are pretty much uneducated in gaming. This test is a mix of the coolness rating, pick-up-and-play-ability, and most importantly: same console multiplayer. Anything that could be called ‘gayyyyy’ loses points in this test.)


The reactions of your mates will vary greatly with Terraria. Many will consider it to be ‘gay’ as it looks like a happy game where you dig holes in the ground. This is mainly what it is – particularly at the start and this is what most people love about it. If your mates like Minecraft they will have no problems adapting to the 2d translation.  Initially your mates that are uneducated in gaming will scorn Terraria but if you can persuade them to play you will soon be working together to smash the hardmode bosses.

Terraria has poor pick up and playability. If a mate joins part way through your game you will spend  a good 20 minutes teaching them controls, how to fight, which ore is which, how not to destroy your perfect tunnel system and where to find you. You will then find they have accidently equipped your special armour that you put on a statue for safe keeping and that they deleted your gold reserves. You will end up playing Fifa.

If your mate learns the controls then multiplayer is quite a bit of fun. The split screen feature is sound (nothing like the Lego Pirate of the Caribbean split screen…) and you will often find yourself playing solo and doing your own thing and then coming back to share resources. You only really need your mates for the boss fights, which are way more fun together. You can have fun trying to secretly assassinate unseasoned players by placing boulder traps and lava in caves…

Score: 7/10

Mate: “That game looks pretty gay.”

Two hours later…

Mate: “Let play for one more hour.”

You can happily play your own solo game on the same screen and then join together to fight the goblin hordes. Just don’t expect much from an anyone unseasoned gamers.

 The Parent TestThe Parent Test

(Imagine you have parents that are easily offended – especially by sexual themes and swearing; and at random intervals they invade your room.)

Terraria is inoffensive. Unless your parents feel squeamish when they see you attacking a giant eyeball, they have no right to complain. To me simulated 8-bit violence does not count, even when you cut a bunnies head off.

Score: 9/10

Parent: “Why has Super Mario Brothers got a sword?”

Me: “Not all people on games are called Super Mario and Super Mario Brothers is not a name.”

I repeat. Terraria is inoffensive.

inner rage emblemThe Inner Rage Test

(You have had a bad day and you want to feel a sense of achievement. This section talks about how frustrating them game is.)


Terraria causes little rage – on normal mode. The game is very easy at the start. On normal mode I rarely went to much real effort to avoid death. You simply return to the location of your corpse and pick up your money or materials. The humourous phrases used on your gravestones take away much of the rage and they are very reminiscent of Worms. It becomes fun wandering through caves and remembering how you were crushed, beheaded and disemboweled.

Rage scales with your progression. Things get tricky when you reach the Wall of Flesh and after several attempts you relent and look for walkthroughs and find you have to dedicate hours to building a bridge across the whole map to defeat the boss. The difficulty escalates at an obscene pace when you enter hardmode and just when you think you are getting the hang of things you attempt a hardmode boss. This is where I gave up as when I read what preparation and grinding was involved I realized I would not find it fun anymore. I threw the controller across the room in my rage when I encountered the destroyer and I lasted two minutes.

Score: 5/10

Terraria performs averagely in this test. In normal mode it is extremely pleasant to play. In hardmode the difficulty mode increases to insane. I rarely get so frustrated I stop playing.

scale emblemOverall

(I briefly rate games on a number of factors such as graphics, storyline, entertainment and longevity irrespective of the other tests.)

Terraria was one of my favorite games, but I won’t go back to it after I got stuck in hard mode. The visuals are charming, the desire to attract more residents is strangely compelling, and you don’t get bored of killing slimes.  You will have a blast playing with mates but only if they are open minded to such games.

Score: 7.5/10

Fantastic value for money.


4 Responses to “Terraria: Real Life Review”

  1. rachelc1066 May 31, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    Thanks for the pingback to certainagegamer! I really liked your review, the format is great. One thing i’m surprised you didn’t mention was the ability to start multiple worlds without losing your main world. I find that to helpful when teaching people the game. That way they don’t mess up your house, and tunnel system.

    • reallifegamereview May 31, 2013 at 7:32 pm #

      Thanks, you are my first commenter 😀 That is a good point. I think I will add it in. I had considered it but I wanted to be brief. When I am playing games I personally do not relish starting from scratch but I can see why others would like to.

      • rachelc1066 May 31, 2013 at 7:39 pm #

        The great thing about it is that you can take your high level character into a new world, makes mining for higher level ores easy. Just start a new small world. 🙂

      • reallifegamereview June 2, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

        I must be pretty OCD then as I care more about my well planned tunnel systems more than high level armour! I will update Terraria soon after I write one more review. I planned to write 5 blogs before I updated the formatting.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: